Try.. a little harder.

So I sit here and ponder what my title should be. I don't honestly think there is any title for me to put.. but I'll come up with something by the end of my post.

So Thursday night we had a very long night. I don't really feel like posting about it, but I want to remember my thoughts and feelings so I can come back and learn and grow from it only because I'm guessing this is something that will continue through-out the years.

I have one child who emotionally drains every part of me. But I continue to deal with it because I truly do love her. I truly want her to over come these actions she puts upon her self and I want her to use the potential she has.  People really do think I'm crazy for the things I do and put up with and I think people just don't understand. They don't understand that what I am doing is trying to make our future that much better. What they don't understand is I want to give those who have no hope, a little hope.  I do know that I may not be successful with everything, but at least I'm willing to put my heart in it and at least try.

So as I sat in the hospital room Thursday night, I continued to think of one thing which was "why" Why not just be happy? Why give up on all the talents, goals, dreams you have?   And as I thought that over and over I realized it wasn't my place to really think that. Instead I needed to be thinking of "How".  How could I make you see the true talents you have? How could I help you accomplish your goals in life? How  can I help support you in your dreams? My heart hurts because there are some days I just don't know how to wrap my head around the how's and I can only think of the Whys. 
As hard as is it, I  have to accept that even though I can be a great support, I still can not be in control of one's life. 

So lets move along to a happy moment.  Easter was a couple weeks back. I felt like trying something new. My kids did not get a traditional Easter.. There was no Easter basket for my kids to find. We had a lovely morning where getting ready for church was wonderful.  My kids were lucky to have seen me speak in church that day (only because I hate speaking and I would do anything to get out of it lol), about how Christ is so important in our life.  We went to my sisters house to share dinner.  I pre filled Easter eggs not with candy but with pieces of paper that had things written about Christ or something Christ like. They did earn a small amount of candy by reading their piece of paper and sharing feelings and thoughts. And they also earned pictures of Christ, books about Christ and so forth. We had a wonderful discussion on what the true meaning of Easter was.  It was extra wonderful because my father and step mother were there. Along with my mom. I was super surprised on how well behaved my kids were as we did our activity. And I didn't get any complaints (except one child who was slightly grumpy but was great and holding it in) =)  Now I have to think of something for next year.. because I think the Baggiore traditional Easter will no longer contain of the traditional American Easter.

Well I'm off to get myself ready for another emotional night. I'm only hoping this night is a happier emotion =)

Moi~